Because I'm The Only One They Have

Playing 'mom'nager escorted them, this usually would be the way they used to do to manage their sadness and frustration. Keep going dear daughter. You'll always have my back today, tomorrow and forever 💕 #BecauseLifeIsHard

We Moved To Taiping Again (This Time For Good) - First Blog In 2022

21st February 2022 - Here we (kids and I) are again, Taiping.

Close to my family which I never know how to describe about (my feeling). So many things that I would like to share with the world but I am not sure if the there is anyone that have the interest to know about it. But referring to my therapist, sharing (via writing) is one of the distraction methods that I can apply to reduce my instability due to the anxiety disorder.

In October 2022, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Been through relapse and defaulted episodes for few times, I think I want to start making videos on YouTube regarding this matter. Mental health matter for the sake of mental health awareness. But I never have the courage to do that,

I believe this covid-19 pandemic turned me into my current condition. Separation anxiety (almost 2 years with my interracial husband), lost of job and income, Became disabled due to bilateral hypertensive retinopathy (retinal vascular damage caused by hypertension). 

The struggle is damn real, till then...

Twins 19th Birthday

It's finally 19th years. 

I became a mother, went through this roller coaster motherhood journey that full of stresses and surprises. Laughing, screaming, crying, blabbering and kinda. I was tested with so many unpredicted scenario as well. Motherhood never easy as someone with "so-many" disorder like me.

When house is messy and dirty when I couldn't functioning well as other mothers do, when my own blood humiliate me due to my inculpabilities, when I am at the depressive mode, you are by my side. You bear seeing me handling all my pain and anxiousness. Anxious that I couldn't give enough. Anxious that I couldn't walk along with you and anxious if you been hurt or feel sad.

Someone said I am looking for perfection, who don't by the way right? But life isn't perfect. In fact it is far from it. Again, you have to deal with my maniac mode whenever things doesn't turn to be as I wanted. 

I'm sorry. 

I'm so sorry, I'm far from good.

Today, 

You are already 19. You such an easy kid I have ever knew. Easy to take advices, easy to discuss with, easy to listen to me and your dad. Other parents might worry if their kids went out and be back home late but I'm worry that my own kids refused to stay outside more than to be at home.

Thank you for being a good mate, being more likely a best friend to me, the ones that always there for me whenever I need someone to rely on, more likely a sister, to chat and gossiping about anything and everything with.

May you both have the bestest birthday. May your life fulfilled with happiness and good fortune. May you excel in everything you put your hands on. May you blessed with wealth, health, long live and prosperity. May you blessed with a partner that loves you dearly, who can consider the best and the worst side of you, who can be patient and take care of you better than me. May you be the generous one and be good to your God and family. May you blessed with what your heart desire and May you blessed with every good prayers from every mothers on earth - Amen.

Happy 19th birthday twins 🌹🌹

Birthday dinner was held at the Chop & Steak Kg Baru KL, my favorite western food restaurant since 2002.  

Kejohanan Golf Luar Musim Bawah 16 Tahun (Perempuan) MSSWPKL 29 - 30 Oktober 2018 - Kinrara Golf Club, Puchong, Selangor.

SUMPAH MUMMY NANGIS KAKAK!!!

#shemadeit - my super proud moment as a mother.

Kakak's hard works paid off #afteralltearsandhardworks

Beyond sweat and tears.

I promise, as long as I am still alive, I'll give my full support.

2nd runner up. Girls under 16  (MSSWPKL)

Only those who know will understand her journey. 

Today is your day kakak, cherish it!!

Walau apa pun kisah disebalik memori ini.

  

Adik setia menemani kakak... 

Congratulations kakak....