End The Stigma (Anxiety Disorder)

Sakit!!!
Sangat sakit, only God knows 😭

But, as my own experience - panic attack happen due to anxiety, tak sure pula if it can be in other way around. What I have been through is, by understanding anxiety (and triggers) makes me capable to control my panic episodes.

Please bear with me when I'm too loud pasal anxiety dan panic attack, this is the only way I can calm myself down dan redakan cetusan serangan yang mungkin menjengah tak mengira masa dan tempat disamping too passionate to share with the world so no one will feel the same pain as I do 😞

#speakout #endthestigma #standstrongfighters #mentalhealthawareness

My Kinda Anxiety Survival Kit

Anxious, anxiety attacks and outings? Why not? I choose to fight!

• With a bottle of chamomile tea and lavender oil along. 
• Taking my medications, multivitamins and mind the food and drinks I take before leaving (no sugar, minimum carbs, no caffeine).
• Make sure all related medications and medical kits is 'on the go'.
• Enough and correct sleeping time (8 hours of good sleep)

I have made it!!

I love suspend, thrill and horror fiction reading and movies. But, I lost to the anxiety attack in my previous horror movie session with kids. I failed. I surrendered to my own anxiousness. I left the cinema hall at the middle of the movie which never happen in my  life ever before. I thought I'll never step my feet in the cinema hall ever again. I almost give up the thing I always enjoy with kids, families and friends on holidays.

At this point, I have decided. 

I'll fight this so called anxiety disorder and I'll prove that I'm superior that it does. I'm the controller of my mind. I'm the strongest. I'm worth it. I made this time,  With the good control at the first hour in the hall, I know it is playing my mind off and thinking that I'll surrender this time?

Hell no!

I'm the controller of my own mind. Mark it!! 

#thediaryofananxietysurvivor #letsfightfighters #ifIcansocanyou #IsharebecauseIcare

ps: rewarding myself with my favorite fiction book right after movie 😍

We Have Had Our Covid-19 Vaccine #PfizerClan

Throwback 15 Jun 2021,

 

Alhamdulillah selesai dos pertama, dos kedua selepas 1 bulan kurang lebih. No side effect except sengal bahu tempat suntikan. I did this not only for me. I did this to help the government to safely achieve herd immunity against COVID-19. I did this for the one who loves me dearly. Selebihnya diserahkan pada jagaan yang kuasa. Simpan disini buat kenangan, I've had my covid-19 vaccination 1st dose.

Thank you KEMENTERIAN KESIHATAN MALAYSIA

I had completed my 2nd dose Covid-19 vaccination on the 13th of July,2021 and my twin girls had their 1st dose. Same date, same time. Unfortunately, different location. I'm at HKL and they're at Axiata Arena Bkt Jalil. So, daddy accompanied them for their 1st dose appointment since we are worry in case of any possibility of vaccine side reaction and Mummy is arranging herself  Alhamdulillah, it's a great teamwork. 

Thank you daddy.

Sebaik 12hb8, 2021 melabuhkan tirainya, lengkaplah kami sekeluarga menerima kedua² dos vaksinasi. Kami seluruh keluarga telah lengkap menerima kedua² dos vaksin seperti yang disarankan oleh KEMENTERIAN KESIHATAN MALAYSIA di PPV Kuala Lumpur Convention Center. 

Ini adalah usaha dan ikhtiar kami dalam melaksanakan tanggungjawab kami sebagai rakyat/individu yang bermastautin di Malaysia, masyarakat dan manusia. Semoga usaha dan ikhtiar kami menjadi asbab pada pemulihan keadaan negara yang sedang bergolak kerana pandemik sekarang.

Bersama² kita mencapai herd community standard supaya kita semua kekal selamat. 

Dengan izinNya, kita pasti menang. Insyallah.

2020, COVID-19 & MY LIFE

Hola guys..

Its has been long that I didn't update this blog as year 2020 has been so rough to everyone, without us realizing. Laju je masa berlalu kan? 

All is because of this wicked pandemic called Covid-19.  

Lost of income, moved house, loved ones stranded oversea almost 1 year, name it, Semua pun I have been through. Honestly, mom and dad was my backbone. they have been my support. Lead my ways sampai takde ruang nak rasa down dah.

I'm positively in the good state of mind even mula-mula selalu kena migraine and anxiety attacked.

For the first 4-5 months of MCO, I have been selling variety of kerepek popia such as popia pedas, popia cheese and popia nestum. It helps my expenses for that 4-5 months. After 7 months buat bisnes tu sambil manage twins, hantar them to their campus after 3 months MCO finished, sampailah the 2nd CMCO they need to be back for home online class and finished their 1st semester December end.

Now we're almost going to March.

Husband's flight cancelled again, his mytravelpass will be expiring before April end. How lah? Just wait and see. I'm fully positive eventhough kids and I miss him crazily. we're fine with all these nowadays technologies and such.

Been in Taiping since January, I stopped my kerepek popia production and starting my new business. started from early February.

See you next writes up lovelies!!!

Teknik Relaksasi Ketika Diserang Anxiety & Panic

Relaksasi adalah suatu keadaan dimana pesakit berasa lega daripada tekanan atau rasa tegang ketika mengalami stress akibat diserang darah tinggi, penyakit jantung atau susah hendak tidur, sakit kepala dan asma.

Terdapat pelbagai jenis relaksasi seperti teknik pernafasan, regangan & gambaran dalam fikiran (Imagery)

• Pilih bilik yang sunyi, tiada gangguan dan yang sejuk dan nyaman.
• Duduk atau baring dalam keadaan yang selesa.

1) Melakukan teknik pernafasan dalam adalah teknik asas yang pertama. Ianya dilakukan dengan menarik nafas dan menghembus nafas secara dalam. Teknik ini boleh dilakukan di mana-mana dan bila-bila masa.

Cuba praktikkan untuk beberapa minit antara 3 ke 4 kali sehari atau apabila pesakit merasa tegang dan tertekan.

Cara-cara menarik nafas yang betul ialah:-

• Duduk dan letak kedua belah tangan pesakit dengan erat dan selesa di atas perut.
• Pastikan otot perut dalam keadaan rehat.
• Tarik nafas perlahan-lahan dan dalam-dalam melalui hidung dan pastikan perut mengembang seberapa yang boleh.
• Tahan pernafasan untuk beberapa saat sebelum menghembusnya

Kemudian cara-cara menghembuskan nafas:-

• Menghembus nafas perlahan-lahan melalui mulut dimana kedua belah tangan masih diatas perut.
• Semasa anda menghembus nafas, pastikan diafram (otot besar di bahagian bawah paru-paru) dalam keadaan relaks dan anda merasai seperti dada anda kosong.
• Bayangkan angin yang keluar dari badan anda membawa sekali stres yang ada di dalam badan.
• Ulangi semula pusingan pernafasan tersebut (ulangi pusingan ini tiga atau empat kali setiap sesi)

2) Teknik asas kedua ialah gambaran dalam fikiran (Imagery). Ianya mengenai pembentukan gambaran dalam minda. Ianya boleh mengalihkan perhatian dan pemikiran yang menyebabkan stress.

Apabila anda ingin melakukan teknik relaksasi adalah amat penting untuk anda:-

• Pilih teknik yang paling sesuai untuk anda
• Belajar dan praktik teknik tersebut selalu atau sekerap mungkin.
• Jangan biarkan pesakit bangun mengejut selepas melakukan latihan relaksasi.
• Cuba berehat 1 -2 minit untuk menikmati latihan yang telah dibuat.
• Bangun perlahan-lahan apabila sudah bersedia.

Ianya mustahil untuk mahir belajar relaksasi dalam satu sessi latihan.

• Banyakkan latihan supaya anda mahir, cekap dan lebih relaks.
• Cuba mengenalpasti punca stress atau situasi yang membangkitkan kebimbangan dan elakkannya.
• Bijak membuat pilihan dan tingkatkan keupayaan mengawal stress pesakit

Kredit: http://www.myhealth.gov.my

Anxiety Disorder And Me

My October 2019 DASS test result.

As predicted pun.

Memang dari ujian DASS ni la I start dapat refer for kaunseling and terapi kat klinik and sejak tu jugak mula tahu I got anxiety disorder dan dengan bantuan dari doktor psikatri dan my own research and study I mampu handle anxiety dengan baik.

Check your own status at DASS TEST - KLIK HERE!!!

Sakit!!!

Sangat sakit.

Only God knows 😭

But,
As my own experience - panic attack happen due to anxiety, tak sure pula if it can be in other way around.

What I have been through is, by understanding anxiety (and triggers) makes me capable to control my panic episodes.

Please bear with me when I'm too loud pasal anxiety dan panic attack, this is the only way I can calm myself down dan redakan cetusan serangan yang mungkin menjengah tak mengira masa dan tempat disamping too passionate to share with the world so no one will feel the same pain as I do 😞

Tengok kawan² yg sama² chubby dah masing² slim and fit buat IF, konon² kita pun nak buat. Lagipun tadi ada appointment untuk review lab test last week, konon² nk behave la bagi sugar reading nanti cantik dpn doktor.

Cehh, tak sampai 6 jam dah menggigil. Last² pukul 1pm terus switch pegi atkins, makanlah 2,3 batang saderi and 3 bijik haif boiled eggs ended up GERD smpi dijengah panic attack untuk kesekian kalinya dekat basement lif just few moment sebelum sampai klinik.

IF, atkins all failed!!

Terus baham mee goreng dengan jus oren, makanya sugar reading pun naik mencanak sampai 21 mmol/, but the best part is I dealt the attack like pro menn!!! 

I'm not as anxious as previous attacks even pun sakit pasca attack nak hilang dalam sejam jugak.

Fuh, lega doctor tak marah. Bab control anxiety dapat compliment. Bab sugar level kautim lah 😂

I'm a survivor and so can everyone. Faham, belajar, praktis and let us control our body not the body control us. Mental issues isn't a curse. It's even a bless.

19 Ogos 2018, lepas post status ni few hours,
terus kena panic attack and dikejarkan ke ER

Got this info from my previous reading.

Bangun tidur pagi ni dah rasa somehow (kinda lesu) but lepas send adik to school, kena bawak kakak for her asthma clinic appointment pulak.

What a looonggg day punyalah (see!!! over thinking - anxiety - panic, relate sangat kan huhu)

About 5 minutes drive (the moment stop dekat traffic light) dah mula rasa tegang belakang leher and ada rasa nak meremang satu badan.

I set in mind, "it's coming, nothing bad..this shall pass. I'm strong. I'm okay".

Good, it passed.
Lega.

Then teringat my reading about the methods to overcome anxiety attack (e.g: panic) -- aroma/essential oil therapy. Saying that anxiety survivors should have one of it on the go and anytime 'dia' dtg nak jenguk, just apply it on our palms and sniffffffff it..

Ini bukan iklan.
I bought it for only about 5-15 RM.

Thank God, berkesan guys.

This one I just bakar lilin bagi naik bau dalam rumah/bilik. Buat time nak tidur, mandi sebelum tidur dan pakai pakaian yang selesa antara calming method yang I applied I used this to overcome my insomnia.

African Asian 1st Ever Kid's 2019 Merdeka Photoshoot

Happy Father's Day Daddy

May God protect you from any form of sickness, be your strength during the odd times and be the source of your happiness when you needs His guide. May you walk in the world and never fall, make your life a great blessing. 

Amen.

Mummy and twindy loves you mucho daddy 

💋

Happy Father's Day Abah

Abah,

The one that always supported me all the way specially when it comes about my marriage. 

17 years ago, as a typical Malaysian Malay man and only worked as a prison officer with Jabatan Penjara Malaysia, he only cried once (when my mom told him that I asked for their permission regarding marriage) and reminded me to be strong for whatever come towards bcuz he knew how society will look at me after all.

I put my hope to the Almighty. 

Since then, he never treat my husband badly. Abah accepted him with no doubt. Abah gave him (husband) huge smile on their first meeting instead of investigating him like CIA. Abah always there for us whenever needed (authority stuffs and all) With his full blessings, everything seems easy, by the grace of God.

He fight together with me. 

He's my strength. 

He's my spirit booster.

He's the one that put his trust in me in whatever I do, the one that confidence with my husband's capability as a leader to our small family. 

He has forgiven my mistakes.

Once Abah face racism attack the moment he wanted to register twin's birth certification (back in 2002) and the JPN counter (wilayah complex) officer mocked him,

"Boleh pulak encik bagi anak encik kawin dengan n**** ni yer?",

..and I was waiting inside the car with husband since he's the one that offered to do everything regarding JPN matter and I knew the main reason is because he don't want the insults from the JPN officer.

His answer to them burst me into tears,

"..dah depa mintak elok² cik, takkan kita nak buang anak pulak. Lagipun dah depa sama² nak, jodoh pulak. Apa daya kita nak halang. Depa pun masing² dh besaq. Tentu depa paham kesan baik buruk pilihan depa",

I'm sorry Abah 🙁

For this father's day, I only pray for Abah's good health, peaceful heart, prosperity and wealth bcuz I knew that's all he ever wanted right now.

Abah that loves my daughter without prejudice. 

Granddaughter's great fro supporter. 

Granddaughter's great motivator as he always tells the twins, 

"Toksah la dok down sgt, orang tak dak tengok awak aihhh. Perasaan awak ja tu. Kalau tgk pun biaq pi lah awak unik apa? Tengok rambut sudahla",

..and Abah will smile at them.

My strongest Abah. 

I love him #lillahitaala

#happyfathersdayabah

You'll Never Walk Alone

Ketika posting ini ditulis pada 20 Mac 2016

 (Gambar tangan mummy dan adik) Location: TCRS AEON Wangsa Maju.

Ketika itulah hati seorang ibu ini sarat dengan pelbagai rasa,

Rasa risau,

Resah,

Gelisah,

Terlalu memikirkan,

Penat.

Namun pada hari ini,

1 April 2019

Ibu itu sangat bersyukur,

Mereka semakin matang dan mampu handle social anxiety mereka baik dari sebelum²nya. 

Mereka sudah mampu berbangga dengan 'percampuran darah dan melanin' ditubuh,

cuma sosial sahaja yang masih perlu diasah dan dibantu.

Begitu juga tahap keyakinan dan komunikasi mereka.

Semuanya kesan dari perasaan terasing seketika dulu.

Sekarang,

Mereka telah temui semangat. 

Seiring usia yang menginjak dewasa,

Ibu mampu menarik nafas lega.

Sedikit lagi cuma...

Gambatte kudasai adik and kakak. 

Let's face this battle together. 

Kita langkah sama², hadap segala apa yang ada. 

Sekalipun suatu hari nanti mungkin kalian akan melangkah keluar dari tanah ini, 

Tanah dimana tumpahnya darah kalian. 

Pastikan  kalian melangkah dengan maruah. 

Demi mereka yang menyayangi kalian disini,

Demi keluarga kalian

😊😊

#inirumahkamu

#homesweethome

#youllneverwalkalone

#ipromiseyou

12 Years A Slaves - Black History Is More Than The Slavery

Watching "twelve years a slaves" on unifi playbox® together with my 17 years old girls.

Since this film is classified as 18 years and above, they certainly need serious explanations.

My daughter and I - we like to chat about all issues, we almost have no secret, and tonight we talk about black descent slavery and history.

There was anger, hatred and dissatisfactions within themselves.

Its ain't selective biased, but more likely a sharing of the "knowledge of history" and by getting some of it may change how we view racism and children nowadays were better at identifying historically true events (in this case, this film is kind of the imagery they can ever imagine/refer to)

To give kids a fighting chance of living in a more equitable society, we need to broaden what is considered important to impart to our children so that the view reflected in the racially-biased policing, violent hate crimes and the absurd resistance to permanently bringing down racism which might plays out beyond their daily life. It’s time to stop propagating the myth of who ever as the only true and dominant one of our past and present, black history is bigger than slavery.

This is such a great masterpiece, it was not only moving, it was also inspirational.

❤No one knows what life may bring
❤We’re very lucky and blessed
❤There are still good people out there
❤Hope will keep us alive and moving forward

There's still many more to talk to make them understand as my goal was to increase the sense of black pride and spirit within themselves at a time when not too many took notice of the black community in Malaysia (and the world) except to dwell upon the negatives.

I want them to be proud of the African descent in them and fight for their right as an Asian as well, unique and authentic blasian blend ✌😊